Portrait

Do you want to know what hideous means?

Do you want to know what I look like?

Hideous is my identity. I’m not fat, so I can’t lose weight to fit in the beauty standards.

I dress pretty well, and take care of my look. So, a makeover won’t save me.

I have a long slim face with tiny round googly eyes, one slightly larger and rounder than the other, highlighting the asymmetry. My narrow forehead adds a je-ne-sais-quoi to the ugliness, emphasized by my pointy chin. A thin upper lip increases the charm.

I’m ugly, hideous, un-seeable. Or at least, un-seeable without a hint of revulsion.

Fade away

You asked God for a girl like me, honest, innocent, who would adore you, and fight the world for you.
I had seen what men were capable of and never even dared to hope or pray for a man.
Yet, God answered the prayer you reiterated over and over, and he answered my fearful silence too.

I sacrificed everything I was to prove to you what you already knew, I am yours as you are mine.
All the girls you’re running away with won’t wear my name away from your heart.
Habibi, I may die before you accept it, but know that I’m praying for you not to fall again.
Know that my immolation will save you.

We’ll meet again. I’ll be the same woman.
You’ll know me from my scars, the old and the ones that hereinafter hold your name.
And in one of them, that supplemental heart keeping you alive will fit.
Please, when my heart beats again, let me recognize you too.

Verbe

Please tell me: Were you lying to me?
Because if you were, it’d mean I was stupid
but, maybe, I could start hating you…
Perhaps, I could move on, gather my crimped pieces,
mend a new skin, and ask God to breathe life in it.

Honey… tell me, were you lying to me?
Because if you weren’t, then how could you throw away
a love like ours? How could you cast your happiness away?
Explain to me how could you be such a coward?

I still believe your tears.

 

،قلّي، كنت عم تكذّب؟ لأنو اذا كنت عم تكذّب
…بكون كنت حمارة بس بصير فيّي اكرهك بركي
يمكن يصير فيّي انساك ولملم شقفي المجعلكة ورقّع منّن جلدة
.جديدة، أطلب من الله يرجع ينفخ فيا الحياة

،حبيبي… قلّي، كنت عم تكذّب؟ لأنو اذا ما كنت عم تكذّب
كيف بتترك وراك هيك حبّ؟ كيف بتكبّ سعادتك؟
فسّرلي كيف فيك تكون هلقدّ جبان؟

.بعدني مصدّقة دموعك