Honest proof

I asked you if you were lying. You said no.

No with a sigh, no, and you looked away.

The most musical no I’ve ever heard, mi vida.

Your no is your confession of love.

Are you embarrassed to say no to my face?

Are you ashamed because you disposed of us or are you ashamed because you love me?

It’s alright, habibi, God will brace you up.

It’s ok habibi, the day will come when I’ll hold your face in my hands and look into your eyes, you’ll look into mine and see your life, your heart, your family, our lifetime, and our happiness.

I’ll be here waiting. And the day will come when we’ll be happily blessed together.


.سألتك إذا كنت عم تكذّب. قلتلي لاء

.لاء مع تنهيدة. لاء وبرَمت وجّك

!أحلى لاء سامعتها بحياتي كلّها يا عمري

اللاء تبعك هي إعترافك بحبنا

مستحي تقلّي اللاء بوجّي؟

مستحي من حالك لأنك كبّيتنا أو مستحي من حبّك إلي؟

.معليش حبيبي، بكرا الله بقوّيلك قلبك

.معليش حبيبي، بكرا الله بخلّيني إمسكلك وجّك بين إيديّي وإطّلع بعيونك وتشوف بعيوني عمرك وقلبك وعايلتك وحياتنا وسعادتنا

.وأنا هون ناطرة.  ورح يجي النهار اللي نكون فيو سوا مبسوطين



Do you want to know what hideous means?

Do you want to know what I look like?

Hideous is my identity. I’m not fat, so I can’t lose weight to fit in the beauty standards.

I dress pretty well, and take care of my look. So, a makeover won’t save me.

I have a long slim face with tiny round googly eyes, one slightly larger and rounder than the other, highlighting the asymmetry. My narrow forehead adds a je-ne-sais-quoi to the ugliness, emphasized by my pointy chin. A thin upper lip increases the charm.

I’m ugly, hideous, un-seeable. Or at least, un-seeable without a hint of revulsion.

Fade away

You asked God for a girl like me, honest, innocent, who would adore you, and fight the world for you.
I had seen what men were capable of and never even dared to hope or pray for a man.
Yet, God answered the prayer you reiterated over and over, and he answered my fearful silence too.

I sacrificed everything I was to prove to you what you already knew, I am yours as you are mine.
All the girls you’re running away with won’t wear my name away from your heart.
Habibi, I may die before you accept it, but know that I’m praying for you not to fall again.
Know that my immolation will save you.

We’ll meet again. I’ll be the same woman.
You’ll know me from my scars, the old and the ones that hereinafter hold your name.
And in one of them, that supplemental heart keeping you alive will fit.
Please, when my heart beats again, let me recognize you too.