Honest proof

I asked you if you were lying. You said no.

No with a sigh, no, and you looked away.

The most musical no I’ve ever heard, mi vida.

Your no is your confession of love.

Are you embarrassed to say no to my face?

Are you ashamed because you disposed of us or are you ashamed because you love me?

It’s alright, habibi, God will brace you up.

It’s ok habibi, the day will come when I’ll hold your face in my hands and look into your eyes, you’ll look into mine and see your life, your heart, your family, our lifetime, and our happiness.

I’ll be here waiting. And the day will come when we’ll be happily blessed together.


.سألتك إذا كنت عم تكذّب. قلتلي لاء

.لاء مع تنهيدة. لاء وبرَمت وجّك

!أحلى لاء سامعتها بحياتي كلّها يا عمري

اللاء تبعك هي إعترافك بحبنا

مستحي تقلّي اللاء بوجّي؟

مستحي من حالك لأنك كبّيتنا أو مستحي من حبّك إلي؟

.معليش حبيبي، بكرا الله بقوّيلك قلبك

.معليش حبيبي، بكرا الله بخلّيني إمسكلك وجّك بين إيديّي وإطّلع بعيونك وتشوف بعيوني عمرك وقلبك وعايلتك وحياتنا وسعادتنا

.وأنا هون ناطرة.  ورح يجي النهار اللي نكون فيو سوا مبسوطين



بتعرف شو هو الإيمان؟

إنّو آمن إنّو رغم كلّ المستحيلات، الله يرجع يجمعنا شي نهار

بتعرف شو يعني بحبّك؟

 إنّو عوز أعرف كيفك، كلّ الوقت

 بتعرف شو يعني تحبني؟

 إنّو تخلّيني كون حدّك، عالقليلة بس ما تكون منيح

Do you know what faith is?

It’s believing that, no matter how inconceivable it seems, God will bring us back together eventually.


Do you know what loving you is like?

It’s needing to know how you are, incessantly.


Do you know what loving me means?

It’s you allowing me to be by your side, at least when you’re not feeling so good.


You’re right, you know?

It’s shameful to be in love with me.

It’s shameful to love someone like me.

It’s shameful to be seen with me.

It’s shameful to be ugly, I know.

I learned it, thanks to you. But,… did you know?

I never tried to be hideous.

My ugliness is natural.
How am I going to veil this shame?

.معك حق، بتعرف؟ عيب تحبني

 .عيب حدا متلي ينحب

 .عيب يشوفوك معي

 .عيب كون بشعة، بعرف

 بفضلك صرت أعرف. مع انّو،… بتعرف؟

 .أنا ولا مرّة عملت شي تكون بشعة

 .بشاعتي طبيعيّة

كيف بدّي استر هالعيب؟


Do you want to know what hideous means?

Do you want to know what I look like?

Hideous is my identity. I’m not fat, so I can’t lose weight to fit in the beauty standards.

I dress pretty well, and take care of my look. So, a makeover won’t save me.

I have a long slim face with tiny round googly eyes, one slightly larger and rounder than the other, highlighting the asymmetry. My narrow forehead adds a je-ne-sais-quoi to the ugliness, emphasized by my pointy chin. A thin upper lip increases the charm.

I’m ugly, hideous, un-seeable. Or at least, un-seeable without a hint of revulsion.