When you’re beautiful, you’re not defined by your beauty. You can do anything. You can be anyone.
But when you’re ugly, no matter how good, talented, or hard-working you may be, you’ll always be designated by your ugliness.
You’re right, you know?
It’s shameful to be in love with me.
It’s shameful to love someone like me.
It’s shameful to be seen with me.
It’s shameful to be ugly, I know.
I learned it, thanks to you. But,… did you know?
I never tried to be hideous.
My ugliness is natural.
How am I going to veil this shame?
.معك حق، بتعرف؟ عيب تحبني
.عيب حدا متلي ينحب
.عيب يشوفوك معي
.عيب كون بشعة، بعرف
بفضلك صرت أعرف. مع انّو،… بتعرف؟
.أنا ولا مرّة عملت شي تكون بشعة
كيف بدّي استر هالعيب؟
Do you want to know what hideous means?
Do you want to know what I look like?
Hideous is my identity. I’m not fat, so I can’t lose weight to fit in the beauty standards.
I dress pretty well, and take care of my look. So, a makeover won’t save me.
I have a long slim face with tiny round googly eyes, one slightly larger and rounder than the other, highlighting the asymmetry. My narrow forehead adds a je-ne-sais-quoi to the ugliness, emphasized by my pointy chin. A thin upper lip increases the charm.
I’m ugly, hideous, un-seeable. Or at least, un-seeable without a hint of revulsion.
You asked God for a girl like me, honest, innocent, who would adore you, and fight the world for you.
I had seen what men were capable of and never even dared to hope or pray for a man.
Yet, God answered the prayer you reiterated over and over, and he answered my fearful silence too.
I sacrificed everything I was to prove to you what you already knew, I am yours as you are mine.
All the girls you’re running away with won’t wear my name away from your heart.
Habibi, I may die before you accept it, but know that I’m praying for you not to fall again.
Know that my immolation will save you.
We’ll meet again. I’ll be the same woman.
You’ll know me from my scars, the old and the ones that hereinafter hold your name.
And in one of them, that supplemental heart keeping you alive will fit.
Please, when my heart beats again, let me recognize you too.